Reflections: You've Done Good and You've Done Well

Alex said that, in his speech at his high school commencement, the principal told the students: "You've done good and you've done well." Meaning that they had done good things, and had done them well.

I'd like to think that can also summarize our time here in China.

Amidst the flurry of activity preparing to move, I find that I need to take time out to reflect on our time here. Much like the week prior to our move when I wrote this blog, I need to sit down and actually think about why we came here, and whether we did what we hoped to do.

In that blog, I said that I wanted to move overseas to "walk a mile" - specifically to see how people live in this part of the world, to foster cross-cultural communication and goodwill via being an example and learning from others, and for the incredible opportunity of just being able to say WE DID IT!

So now - have I accomplished these goals? I'd have to say YES! We definitely have seen life here in China, though in our protective bubble through Alex's work, sometimes we don't see the real deal. But we have become very close to our ayi especially, as well as our driver, and have gone out on many excursions in China to make me feel pretty good about knowing what life is about here (at least on the eastern seaboard).

As far as cross-cultural communication and goodwill, hopefully I have been reasonably gracious during the shocking times of people grabbing at my children in public and trying to talk to me. I admit that I've had my days, but especially as my language skills improved (it is so tied to language!), I have been a lot more adventurous with how I interact with people. We have gotten to "know" some people in the places we frequent - the super market Trust Mart, the local fruit stand in Jinshitan, the "water guy", and again our ayi and driver (of course!). Also the workers in various restaurants and establishments that we frequent (Brooklyn Bar, Jayland), our Chinese teachers, Lucia's Montessori pre-school teachers (all four of whom are Chinese), and the international members of our Catholic Church community (people from Spain, Mexico, Sweden, Korea, Philipenes, Malaysia, Africa). And of course the international friends I've made in my various mommy play groups and even through Alex's work acquaintances. We've met people from all over the world, and have really enjoyed learning about them and their cultures in addition to the Chinese culture that we have been living in.

Thirdly, the opportunity! Yes, what a great time we've had! All the terrific travel, so much yummy food, getting the season pass to Discoveryland, learning Mandarin (to a reasonable extent - I can do more than just get by now - we'll see how long that lasts!). And as an added bonus, we have really had some wonderful family time. Though it has been hard to be away from our extended family and good friends, our shared experience here in China has really brought our little family unit closer together, whether the girls realize it or not! The fun we've had taking trips even just to the playground around the corner, or the Dinosaur park at the international club, all of our airplane rides and hotel experiences, the tourist activities we've done, especially in Sydney where we really felt like residents swimming together at the local pool, riding the ferries, and going to the zoo - all these things are cemented in my head as shining memories to treasure for all time.

Of course, there have been unexpected blessings too. I tell people that the three things I will miss the most are 1) the friends I've made here, 2) Lucia's Montessori pre-school, and 3) our ayi! And the one that makes me the most sad is leaving our wonderful ayi, as she truly feels like one of the family. I asked her today for her address, so she's going to write it for me so I can mail her pictures and use google translate to write to her (having never bothered to really study characters myself). Our driver, Chen, has also become a family friend. It is hard in the sense that we, as Americans, really miss the freedom of driving and setting our own schedule. But since we had to have a driver, Chen has been the best one we could have asked for. No smoking, very polite and courteous, friendly and kind especially towards the girls, punctual and professional at all times - we have had no occasion for complaint. Thank goodness!

The other thing that has grown on both Alex and me, as we were discussing just last night, is our house here. Granted we don't love the whole rowhouse thing with windows only facing two directions and the jackhammering that started and ended our stay as the townhome community prepared the adjacent units for new occupants. We do, however, love the very open floor plan and the ability for our girls to run up and down from the kitchen to the dining room pushing their strollers yelling "Ready, Set GO!" and having a terrific time! And the many bedrooms, storage rooms, and just plain bright open SPACE has really spoiled us here! We said that if we move out of our current house someday, we'll probably look for an open floor plan similar to what we have here, even though I never would have thought this before we moved.

The produce has also been an unexpected blessing. It is so plentiful, cheap, and local! I started listening to Barbara Kingsolver's "Eat, Pray, Miracle" recently, and while I can't completely get on board with her blaming underage promiscuity on the fact that we eat out of season fruit in the winter and staking her family's eating life on the lowest possible carbon footprint for the food the place in their mouths, there is something to be said for buying primarily local and in season produce. I think we will try to continue this practice even beyond just signing up for the annual CSA when we return home. Too bad it won't be as cheap, and people in the US (or at least Oregon) haven't gotten as wise as to use greenhouses to grow strawberries as early as February and March, but I'm looking forward to eating a little more locally and stressing dishes of the season, rather than even just choosing healthy dishes and making them regardless of whether the ingredients are being grown locally at that time of year or not.

Helping with the Dalian Social Welfare Institute, specifically the Dalian Orphanage, has also been a bonus of our time here. I was able to help with project management before and after the Holiday Bazaar fundraiser we held last winter (mostly after, though, as we were home during the bulk of the preparation time). And I was part of the new Board we organized to create a group of concerned local and expat citizens to focus all their time and energy on helping grow a sustainable future for the orphanage and the children there. Those kids are so sweet, and all of China is now moving towards the Half the Sky philosophy of nurturing emotional as well as physical care for China's orphans.

(As an aside, this is from the Half the Sky website: "At a transformative moment in China’s child welfare history, Half the Sky and its government partners are working together to bring Half the Sky-inspired programs to every orphanage in China. Starting this year, we are jointly training and certifying child caregivers to provide not just basic care for orphaned children but also the patient nurturing that is the heart of all Half the Sky programs. In five years these joint trainings will transform care for 211,600 more children!")

Finally, as we are fast approaching our departure date from China, I cannot help but wonder when we will return to China, and if we'll ever get back to Dalian. Our ayi thinks we will move back when Alex's work builds a second building, and both she and our driver think we're going to have a son within a few years and will be bringing him back with us too. So funny, they both love the girls, but also want us to have a boy too! I honestly don't know. I'd love to get back to China, and am sure we'll visit places like Shanghai and Hong Kong again, but whether we come back to Dalian or not is up in the air. I'll just leave it in God's hands, but continue to pray for the people we have met and come to love here. And I also pray for the continued growth of international good will, education, and friendships, the primary way, in my opinion, to ensure a peaceful and harmonious existence for the future citizens of our world.

From Blog All Four