Fun and Love and Logic

On Saturday, Jan 2 we had the privilege of hosting Rob & Jen and their adorable little girl Abby for dinner. Well, I say hosting, but they actually brought the main course. Delicious! And the girls had fun playing "near" each other. :-)

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This is a nice candid of Lucia eating her broccoli and cauliflower yesterday. She insisted on wearing all these barrettes in here hair that morning, so we have a little barrette-princess thing going:

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Lucia has started to really pay attention to our Love and Logic approach to parenting. This is an awesome book for parents with young kids (under 6 yrs) to optimize instruction and discipline, teaching your kids to be independent and think for themselves, and also to learn that all actions have consequences, be they favorable or not. Our daycare provider recommended it.

Basically you offer the child lots of choices all day long, for things that are inconsequential to you, but that the kid cares about. Do you want the blue plate or the yellow one? Do you want to brush your teeth now or in 2 minutes? Do you want broccoli or green beans for dinner? All day long you stock up on these questions, allowing your child to choose (though you do it if they don't choose in 10 seconds), and thereby making their own choices conscientiously. Then when it comes time for you to need something - i.e. bedtime, or a trip to the grocery store - you can say "I've given you lots of choices today (optional: list examples). Now it's my turn." This generally works. And if it doesn't, you impose a natural consequence. For example, if you want the child to pick up toys and s/he doesn't, rather than asking several times and screaming about it, you do it. Then you put the toys away - we have elected the top of the hutch in the kitchen so she can see them and when she asks for them, we can remind her that they are there because she didn't put them away.

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So now Lucia is pretty decent about putting away her toys. But the funniest thing is that you always deliver your consequences with empathy - saying "How sad," or "Bummer." Alex has started to say "Oh Dear." So yesterday Lucia was walking around the house saying "Oh Dear" after Alex put her crayons up high that she neglected to pick up. When the kids are a little older, like 3 years, you have them perform small chores to "earn" their toys back. We haven't started this yet, but I think we probably could. Instead, we leave them there for a few days, then we bring them back down for her.

Another facet is "A Little Bedroom Time." I was going to write a whole blog on this subject alone because it is so funny, but I'll just put it here. If you want your child to do something and s/he won't do it (and there is not an easy consequence like putting the toys up high), or the child misbehaves in another way, then it is time for "A Little Bedroom Time." The child may cry at first, but you stay close and listen until they're done. Then you go in, say "This is so sad," give them a hug, ask if they're ready to do whatever you want them to, and if they say yes - they're free, and things go on happily. If not, then they're back in bedroom time until they're ready. With 2 year olds, this is only a short period - like less than 5 minutes total. Lucia has had Bedroom Time for not wanting to put on her clothes, throwing toys, or talking loudly while I am on the phone. Lately she has taken to telling ME that she needs bedroom time!

The other day, she threw her crayons on the ground, looked at me, and said "Time for a little Bedroom Time." I agreed with her, but I was nursing at the moment. What to do?! Then, to my utter surprise, Lucia turned around, marched herself down the hall, and I heard the door to her room shut. Soon, a slow whine/cry come from behind the closed door. Lucia took herself off for Bedroom Time! When I was done nursing, I went to get her, said "This is so sad, we don't throw our crayons," gave her a hug and asked if she was ready to pick them up. She said yes, came out, picked up the crayons and we went on with our day. Too funny!!

I am so happy with our girls, it is so fun to be with them! Though Lucia still goes to daycare a few days a week (which is nice), and I'm hopefully going back to work part time next week, I enjoy every minute I get with my daughters. Here they are yesterday, Lucia the Big Sister helping with Magdalena's bib (her first time in the Bumbo seat), and sitting together like little angels. :-)

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