The Jones Team: Engaged Encounter Convention and AmaApa's Weekend With the Girls

The last weekend in July, Alex and I were able to go on an "all" expenses paid trip to Reno, Nevada for the District Five Engaged Encounter Convention.

Most of our readers know that Alex and I have been involved in the Catholic Engaged Encounter ministry for many years now (since about September of 2006), and present weekends to engaged couples for marriage preparation to satisfy the requirements for marriage prep with the Catholic Church. As I have mentioned before, there are many other faith denominations which give EE weekends (though CEE started was the first), and we have mostly Catholic/Non (meaning one fiance is Catholic and the other is not) who attend the weekends. Sometimes there are even couples where neither fiance is Catholic, and the number where both fiances are Catholic is about 30%.

The volunteers for this organization are local, but we gather under "Units" then "Districts" then "National" and finally, worldwide. Portland is part of the District Five Unit Three - Portland, Seattle, Spokane, Tacoma, Boise, Butte MO, and all the areas between. District Five is all of Washington, Oregon, California, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, most of Nevada, Arizona, and part of Texas (including El Paso where my brother and sister-in-law live!). The District convenes every other year hosted by one of those locations (when does Hawaii get to do it??!), and each Unit sends at least one couple to represent them - with the convention fees, airline fees, and hotel fees covered. Meals were mostly covered with the convention fee, so Alex and I didn't expense the few that we got on our own, and luckily this convention had a shuttle to/from the airport and Silver Legacy Hotel Casino in Reno that we didn't have to rent a car.

So enough on logistics. This was our first convention - we are not yet in a leadership position with our group, though after the next crazy two years of our lives, we think we'll be ready for taking that on - so we had not been asked to go in the past. We do have Marriage Renewal weekends through our local chapter - every year in January we go to the beach with the other volunteer couples and participate in sessions designed to enhance our own marriage, as well as have fun with each other and other couples who are committed to marriage and their spouses. I have to say, this part of the ministry - being with other couples who put their marriage FIRST - is the strongest example for Alex and me of what it means to be and stay married for, well, forEVER. We are the "youngest" couple in that we have been married the shortest of all the other couples in our local chapter, and even in the Convention - we were among the "youngest" couples there. One couple topped out at 64 years married! And people tend to stay in EE for almost as long as their marriages because of how rewarding the organization is for their marriages.

The weekend was super fun! Alex and I had absolutely no idea of what to expect. I mean, here are a bunch of mostly Catholic people - getting together to talk about - what? Well, Friday night there was an awesome tag-team Keynote presentation from a couple named Kim and Jason from Madison, Wisconsin. They are our age, and have their own company battling "Adultitis" - a syndrome that they say can affect even the most formerly fun-loving among us - basically causing adults to be BORING and not have any fun anymore! We laughed our heads off at their funny stories, and really gained some perspective on how we can loosen up a little bit and spend more time with our family (less time with the BUSY) to enjoy life more. There was a free cocktail hour that evening and afterwards, we headed to the party in the penthouse which was comp'd to the organizing couple courtesy of the hotel. I tell you what - these CEE volunteers like their DRINK! Too bad I had to stay dry, can't wait to attend one of these things not pregnant!

Speaking of which - as an aside, I had no fewer than three (maybe four?) people tell me that I looked "too young" to be having my third child! What a nice compliment! And most of the convention-goers thought this was our first in general, as we didn't bring the girls and there was (really good and fun) daycare provided.

The next day after our huge and filling breakfast we listened to an awesome musician speaker named Jesse Manibusan. For those of you Catholics, he wrote the song "Open My Eyes" that I grew up singing in Church, and even Alex knew and loves. But as it turns out, the guy is this huge Pacific Islander (and I do mean HUGE!) - who is completely HILARIOUS and had a great story. He loves to sing and praise God, but does it in such a fun and non-judgmental way he tends to be asked to work with youth, especially teens, a lot in the greater United States and even worldwide Church (he's heading to Spain for World Youth Day like, now). We sang out loud and laughed our heads off again for his presentation - thinking that we are truly thankful for God's ever present love in our lives and the fact that He wants us to be happy and live life to the fullest - counting our blessings all the time. It's 7:59 am "and you are loved" - as Jesse would say (all throughout his presentation, he'd look at his watch, announce the time, and we would turn to our spouse and say that: "and you are loved.").

Next up was a professor from University of Nevada at Reno - she had been married 41 years and researches on Adult Spirituality - beyond any particular religion at all - but just the notion that all people need some sort of spirituality to be completely fulfilled. And she talked a lot about marriage and that in her research - the NUMBER ONE thing that comes up when people who have stayed married for over 25 years are asked what it takes - is "RESPECT." This can mean a lot of things, but is the most fundamental, according to her research, ingredient to a successful and long-lasting marriage.

After our hearty lunch and stroll to the pool deck (so HOT and BRIGHT but it felt good!) we heard from Jason of Kim and Jason again - taking in some fun ideas to keep our families alive - and a couple of tear-jerking stories about how Jason has felt God's love in his life and with his family. Then we had a unit meeting (the next convention is going to be hosted by our Unit 3 in Spokane, WA August 2-4 of 2013!), then got a break. Alex and I went to the Cathedral around the corner for 5 pm Mass as we were catching a flight the next morning which would require us to leave before the Convention's service (it was either leave at 1:05 or 9:50 on Southwest, and we just wanted to get home and see the girls!).

One thing that I learned on this weekend which I had not heard before was that the Terra Foundation performed a study (and I have not found the actual study yet) that couples who undergo some sort of marriage preparation are 30% less likely to get divorced in the first four years of marriage than couples who don't. After that, though, unless couples continue to experience a renewal of their marriage and why they married (maybe a long trip, or a retreat weekend such as Marriage Encounter, or SOMETHING) that they are at the same risk level as everyone else for divorce, which I believe hovers around 50%. We need to start presenting THIS fact on our weekends, I think, and give couples suggestions for four years down the road (hopefully this will encourage a few more volunteers for our group as we could really use some beefing up in the ranks!). And it makes me think - Alex and I have been doing EE since two years after we married. We go on the Marriage Renewal annually (except this last January as we were in China), and we participate on at least two EE weekends per year, which is a mini-renewal each time. I feel so blessed that our marriage is so strong - every day I catch myself thanking God for the blessing of our marriage and our family at least 10-15 times - probably more. And I think how fortunate we have been to have such a strong marriage. Many of our friends are entering (or just entered) into that 4 year window (or some multiple of it) - and I am starting to wonder... how is everyone else doing? Maybe it's time to ask? Maybe we could do something to help our friends enrich their marriages - a mini EE night for renewal or something? I don't know, but I do know that I want all of our friends' marriages to last forever too. This is something I will continue to ponder.

In summary, I will say that the girls had a great time at Ama and Apa's house. My mom is good friends with another EE couple's mother in Eugene. I went to grade school with this woman, though she was four years ahead of me, and we never went to high school at the same time. But she's in Seattle, and we met up at the Unit meeting last June here in Portland, and so hung out with her and her husband again in Reno. While we were there, her kids met up with our kids at a park in Eugene! Too cute. So everyone had a great weekend, but it was good to get home again to our beautiful girls and so special little family.

Picture time (note: these are all phone pics, so not so great of quality)!

Alex and me at the Silver Legacy Casino - in front of the silver mining "rig":